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I heard you but I wasn't really listening...

30/6/2014

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If you are like most people, you would have experienced being in a conversation with with someone, and you get a sense that they aren't really paying attention to you... sometimes it's not obvious it's just a feeling and other times well it's clear they aren't really listening, you will notice their eyes looking around scanning the room, or they are checking their phone for messages and Facebook updates, or they randomly comment on something totally irrelevant to what you were saying... it's frustrating isn't it!
On the flip side, when feel you have been truly heard, how wonderful does it feel? It's like you have a deep connection with the person involved, you feel really satisfied.


One of our biggest challenges with dealing with other people is effective communication. Being able to share your thoughts and wishes effectively is a skill most people have: but you also have to be open to what others have to say.
Did you know that the most important aspect of creating relationships with others - whoever that me be - begins with listening.

Like the example above, most people, possibly even you, confuse hearing with listening. This can lead to misunderstandings,
arguments and frustration for both parties and if you are the one needing to be heard, you may even feel unimportant.

You can't control other peoples actions or how they listen to you... so lets all start to adopt some great listening techniques for ourselves (You will be amazed at how people will love talking to you when you are a great listener!)


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So how do you become a great listener?

It's easier than you think, and it it's paramount to your progress in relationships and when doing business. If you don't learn to be a great listener you will continue to discount other peoples thoughts, they in turn will become emotionally distant (not a great thing in an intimate relationship) and they will no longer want to contribute to conversations or provide you with creative ideas (That hurts in a business situation!)


Here are some important tips!

  • Listening takes attention, focus and the willingness to accept what you are being told. It also helps if you are aware of what is NOT being said as 80% of communication is conveyed through body language.
  • Affective listening is NOT a passive activity. Your brain works much faster than your ability to speak... this means you will often jump too far ahead in a conversation IN YOUR OWN MIND and miss an opportunity to fully understand the other persons feelings, opinions and perspective.
  • Distractions and assumptions often interfere with what is being conveyed, so be sure to really concentrate on the other person so you can take in their words and notice their gestures.
  • It is your responsibility to respond appropriately (Verbally and non verbally) to what the other person is saying, true listening is a gift of your time. So pay attention! (Put the phone down, turn off the TV, maintain eye contact... not the creepy type of eye contact though)
  • Keep your mouth shut while the other person is talking, your silence allows you to really listen... most of the time we listen, come up with a solution or a comment in relation to what the other person is saying.... waiting, waiting, waiting for a chance to speak... we listen for a short amount of time, then wait for our turn to share our awesome idea... this actually cuts the flow of communication. So give your full attention, let go of the need to offer solutions immediately... Just be present and listen.
  • Be interested... really interested! A great listener looks interested in what others are saying. Know that your body language is very important! Maintain eye contact, sit or stand still, lean ever so slightly towards the other person, nod your head on occasion so the person talking knows you are interested and and that you understand what they are saying.
  • Let them know you have heard them! If you are really listening you will be able to confirm this when the other person pauses. You can verify what you have heard and ask questions to clarify you have understood their intent (not offer solutions). Ask for clarification that what you have heard/understood is correct. This is an added bonus for the person talking as they will know whether their message is being interpreted as they had intended.
  • Be on a level playing ground! Ensure you are both at the same eye level. Come out from behind the desk and sit with someone, both sit or both stand... not one standing while one sits. This allows for a more open and honest conversation.
  • Show some respect! Sometimes conversations need to remain private, keep it that way!  This may be critical feedback or personal issues... respect the private information you hear, guard it closely. Even if it's the biggest news or the best gossip you've heard all year... It's not your story to tell , just listen, and let it go! This builds trust and respect.
  • Avoid taking things personally, even if you disagree with what the other person is saying. You must accept what is being said without argument! After the conversation, think about what was said and formulate a response. As a great listener you must be willing to let the other person have the time and space to fully express their feelings NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU DISAGREE! Their feelings are real for them, respect that! Do not brush them off or invalidate them, it will crush their spirit and create unnecessary animosity.
  • Be thankful! Always thank the person for sharing their thoughts. Be genuine. Reward their courage to speak up and be heard... especially if they are pointing out something that you need to improve.
  • It's an awesome opportunity! Feedback is the food of champions and it will help you grow, so it must be welcomed with an open mind. Always evaluate all points made, not just the ones you agree with.
  • YOU should NEVER be too busy to listen to someone else's opinion or point of view! It's a beautiful gift!

If you re looking for more ways to improve your effectiveness, contact us for a complimentary discovery session or attend an upcoming workshop or event!

To your ongoing success!

Georgia
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11 Comments

Quantum Leap... yes please!

19/1/2014

1 Comment

 
As the end of the first month of 2014 is getting closer, I just had to share three very important words with you all before the year passes us by.

This week I received a personal note from my mentor Bob Proctor, where he shared these very same three words with me,  I believe these words will strike a chord with you just as they did for me.

Here they are...

Better: Adjective - Greater in excellence or higher in quality

Quantum Leap: Noun - A sudden highly significant advance;
breakthrough

Freedom: Noun - The condition of being free of restraints. Doing what YOU want, when YOU want, with whom YOU want.

These three words can sum up a lot for all of us.  When Bob mentioned them to me I wondered where he was going with it, and you're possibly doing the same right now. Well Bob made me think... and I hope I can make you think too.

2014 is already here! So stop and take a few moments to think about your life as it is right now, your dreams, your goals, your health and even your happiness. Are you like me, would you like to do better? Would you like to take a quantum leap? Would you like more freedom? I know I do and I have already put things in place to ensure it happens for me!

I have a lot of things that I am doing to ensure 2014 is much better to any preceding years, and
I'd like to share with you just a few of the things I am doing to ensure I get from where I am now, to where I want to be.

Hopefully one or two, or even all of these ideas will encourage you to take action in your own life and help you to be better, take a quantum leap and gain freedom!

Here's the top 4 things I'm doing...

  1. I have set a clear goal for myself for this year... its so big it sorta scares me. It scares me because I have no idea right now how I will achieve it.. but I know that these types of goals (the scary ones) will encourage me to grow, push me outside of my comfort zone and help me make a quantum leap. I also know that what I focus on the most, I begin to attract to me.... I attract the people, events and resources I need to make my goal a reality... I know that all I have to do is stat by taking the first step in the right direction! Now I ask you "Whats your goal for 2014, and does it scare you?"
  2. I am investing in ME, yes, spending money on my own personal development (the new shoes will have to wait for now!) I have signed up for a number of workshops, purchased a load of books and scheduled in plenty of me time... including a holiday mid year! I know I won't 'be better' thinking the way I have always thought, so by investing in myself and learning new things, I will gain more knowledge and a new way of thinking. So "What are you doing to better yourself this year?"
  3. I am breaking destructive habits, you know things such as, staying up late and sleeping in... eating unhealthy food, associating with negative people, making excuses and procrastinating.... I'm sure you also have some habits you'd like to break! Tell me "What are you doing differently this year to ensure you get different (better) results?"
  4. And finally, I'm saying NO to things that aren't aligned to my 'big scary goal' or things/people/behaviours that aren't a reflection of who I really want to be... This will give me the freedom to be, do and have the things that are in my best interest. "What can you start saying NO to?"

If you're feeling stuck and not sure how to set your very own 'scary goal', or you feel blocks, procrastination, a lack of funds, or perhaps you don't know where to start. You could easily get help, find a coach, a mentor, enroll in a short course, buy a book or find new friends!

Whatever it is, just do something to move yourself forward, take the first step!

Contact us if you are ready to make 2014 your BEST year yet. Let us at  Love Health Wealth Self
help you in some wonderful and exciting ways such as:
  • A Personal Transformation Consultation,
  • Coaching
  • Joining a complimentary Mastermind group
  • Attending a transformational workshops.

Whatever you do to make 2014 a better year for yourself, be sure to give yourself permission to take a quantum leap! (you won't regret it, I know I haven't!)

Here's to your success and achieving your very own 'scary goal'!

Georgia
1 Comment

    Blog Author -
    Georgia Ellis

    I am  passionate about personal growth and helping you achieve success in all areas of life.

    Personal freedom, creativity, holidays, travel, awesome health, good food, great design my friends, my family, my partner and pets are all part of what makes life so rewarding.

    Join me as I share life lessons and anecdotes to make you think, laugh and grow :)

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